An irregular recording of my life, my thoughts on things and stuff i like. please, come, read and hopefully enjoy.
I’ve written before about my troubles enjoying sex. My issue is that I need an emotional connection to get down with someone, and my attempts at hooking up have been disastrous. I’m oddly relieved and happy that there is a word for people like me.(via noodlesandbeef)
Wow, I love that I live in a day an age where sexualities are becoming further explored and understood, rather than trying to shave people into cookie cutter boxes
My lunch experiment, sweet potato, perpers and spinach omelette. Nice but needed something extra, nextime I’ll try adding a chilli to the mix
Subspace: On “Compersion”
Jealousy can be an issue for a lot of people, in D/s relationships the issue can possibly be intensified. Many subs have that they will fail their Masters, their Masters grow bored or somehow they will grow irrelevant in the eyes of the people they worship. To live a life as sub, it means learning to relinquish control, embrace vulnerability and the feelings that come along with that.
I am not by my nature a purely monogamous person, which might come to you as a bit of a surprise. I’m a pup with a lot of love to give. While I only seek a single Master to worship, I feel that the feelings and experiences I get in service are so special and beautiful I don’t want to keep it for myself, it’s something that needs to be a shared.
What I’m talking about are two different sorts of love, but they are both very consumate. One is a very deep all-consuming, hold-nothing-back feeling between a pup and his Master, the other is a deeply fraternal feeling one has as you guide your brothers-in-service to reach their potential. The joy in sharing the experience of giving love to a single Master. It stops being so much of a partnership and becomes more of a family.
I’ve never actually searched for brothers in service, but I have always had a natural attraction and affinity for the people my Master selected to serve him. He has high standards in his pups. In my mind anyone who he considered worthy of such a privilege is obviously someone very special and worthy of my praise and affection.
I think a lot of our fears are born out of our uncertainties and what we don’t know. We magnify the situation and postulate a million ‘what-if’s. Even though as a sub, you embrace vulnerability, I think there are some things you can trust in: the loyalty that you have, the love that you share, the promises you’ve made, commitment to ensuring eachother’s well-being, the contract and collar you have, your brand.
Feelings like jealousy happen, but we have the choice about how much value we place on them and how we act on it. I think it takes a great deal of trust, but when you know that bond is there and it’s unbreakable, you both know how each-other feels, it opens up new possibilities.
Managing jealousy or mere tolerance is only the first step. The next step is to open up your heart further. Polyamerous circles describe a feeling of “compersion” - A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.
I’ve been feeling it pretty strongly these last few days. It’s a pretty beautiful feeling.
This is beautiful, yet again. Jealousy is a tough emotion to have. I’d want to be able to have a Master and be monogamous, but I’d be open to anything just because the idea of a family unit and being able to feel compersion sounds fascinating.